everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
