You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
