very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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