i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
