If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
