I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
