Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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