She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
