Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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