matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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