No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
