So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
