when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
