if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
