I'm gonna have a badass scar
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
