it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
