you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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