the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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