the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well I just put wine in my tea
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
