So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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