you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize