I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You're like the curious george of whores
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
