if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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