I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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