I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
