mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
