A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
