I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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