We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
