Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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