I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
