sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize