You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
