I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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