i need an iv and a liver transplant
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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