she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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