I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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