so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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