wanna go halves on a baby?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
