There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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