yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
