We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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