just come out here and I will go home with you...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
