Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
