I'm going to rape someone's good day.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
