oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
