I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
