I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
