i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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