I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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