Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
