My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
