I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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