I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Randomize
