guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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