I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
