I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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