let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
