She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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