I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
