Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
