she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
