How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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