I am in a vortex of obligation.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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