we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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