dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It all started with a game of naked twister.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
