I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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