I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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