dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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