well you can't waste a boner
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So vagazzling was a success
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
