If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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