WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
