Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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