Nicole vs. Life
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
