Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
