dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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