No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He better not be in your backpack
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
