Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
