I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
